Love for People
It is scary to reveal everything about yourself. You do not just blurt out all your secrets and expect everyone to understand you. On one hand, it does feel exhilarating to be vulnerable.
I am not here to reveal everything. But to satisfy this hunger for exhilaration, I am here to confess two things.
I am a Fraud.
There are things about me that I cannot fully believe are a part of me. Sometimes I deny it to other people and to myself. What makes it even worse is that, these things are not the bad things. These things are the good ones. And that’s why I feel like a fraud. Because it does not make sense. Because it does not fit in to my profile. Because you know, it’s too good to be true.
Once, I told a friend that most of the times, I feel like I do not deserve the good things, I do not deserve to be great, I do not deserve to be loved. And when I do get to have the good things, to be great for a moment, and to be loved at the time, I dismiss the idea.
This was me before.
It was not healthy. It dawned on me that how you perceive yourself matters because it is how the world will perceive you. And it is important that it should not be the other way around. And so I decided to change my perspective.
Through time, I was able to embrace whatever the Universe has offered me. To not just have the good things, to not just be great, or to not just be loved, but to actually savor the moment of having it. To feel the ecstatic rush in my veins. To taste the sweet breeze in my face.
And to own the things that define me.
Accepting this, I had a breakthrough. Which brings me to my second confession,
I am a Great Pretender.
I said to myself, I can be any one who I want to be. And I believe, you too can do the same. We have this ability to blend, to cope, to adapt. And we have to use it.
We people are fluids and this world is our vessel. We shall flow, either naturally or with external factors. I am an external factor. And so I share to you my secret as a Great Pretender: when you want something, you do it repeatedly. You mimic it. You pretend to be it. Until you become it.
And then own it as if it was yours to begin with.
Here’s a few things I know about myself in those 24 years of existence (which includes the things I was born with and the things I made myself to be):
I am a Filipino. I speak four Languages (languages): English, Tagalog, Cebuano, Masbateno. My father is a pure Filipino. My Mother has a Spanish, Chinese, and Filipino blood. Funny how the Universe works because I am now in a Chinese-speaking Country (Taiwan) and I have always been fascinated by the Spanish Language (actually learning Spanish now).
I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a friend. I am a lover. I am a singer. I am an Engineer. I am a student. I am a researcher. I am an artist. I am a traveler. I am a leader. I am a hiker. I am a runner. I am a dreamer. I am a writer.
And I am anyone who I want to be.